Jumbled thoughts, nerves and excitement.

Golly geez, I only have EIGHT days left in this beautiful country! I return back to the states THREE weeks from yesterday, but the other days will be filled venturing through Germany and Italy. When people tell you that time flies when you're having fun they really are not lying. It is unreal to think that I have been here for 13 weeks...it seems like it was yesterday that I rode up the manor drive for the first time.

The feeling of  being in the front car of an emotional roller coaster could not have been avoided throughout these past few weeks. Although I am so excited to go back home to my family and friends, I am scared to leave behind my English home. I have had so much individual growth here and I am scared to see what being stagnate in a place will do to that. Don't get me wrong I love my hometown but I have been conditioned to prepare for an new adventure every weekend, and I don't think my work, nor my wallet, will allow for that.

And how do you form words to describe such amazing experiences to people who did not experience them with you? No, it's not your fault that you weren't there and I'd never rub that into your face, but don't be surprised when they only way I can describe England is by saying, IT'S AMAZING/INCREDIBLE/THE BEST EXPERIENCE OF MY LIFE!! I'm just not sure how to explain the beauty of a sunrise on Arthur's Seat, the sight of a rainbow in Ireland, the view of London at night, the quietness of Harlaxton's woods or the view from my balcony at any part of the day. For a person who is quick to talk and share as much possible, the word formation that should be spewing from my mouth but won't, will be hard to deal with.

As the last week at Harlaxton fast approaches, I want to do so much! Is it possible to walk around the quaint village and meet each British individual living in the homes? I mean Rose Cottage and The Old School House look absolutely beautiful, do you think I could just knock on their door and ask for a tour? And what about the woods surrounding this beautiful place? I feel like I could walk blindfolded through the woods back home but the woods here still seem foreign and I need to explore more. And the manor, it's so big! There is no way that I have covered every part of this place. And the people...I know that I did not get to meet everyone and just simple fact alone is enough to scare me. Why didn't I take more advantage of the incredible opportunity that I have been placed in? I have tried to do so much, but four months is not enough, nor would any amount of time be enough, in this incredible place!

My feelings are so anxious. Thinking about everything that I have done, everything that I still want to do and the realization that I will not be able to do everything is hurting my heart tonight. I want to bring my home home here to my new home. Everyone that I love should be able to experience this feeling. The feeling or pure joy, happiness, growth, exploration, comfort and love.

England has been a place of closure, of healing, of digging deeper inside of myself to learn who I really am. My hearts seems to beat a bit differently as it awaits the next unknown journey that lies ahead.